Questions Smart Couples Should Ask

~ To see if you are compatible, or simply grow deeper in love ~

 

 

My fiance and I had been together for two years and were thinking it was time to get serious. Either we prepare to make a commitment or we determine we are better off apart.  The problem in our relationship is that we were good friends and simply comfortable with each other.  We rarely fought but neither were we extremely passionate.   What we didn't want was to marry and then discover later on that we were drifting in two different directions.

We decided to take an inventory of our current relationship and to probe a bit deeper into our future.

Here are some sample questions from Michael Webb's awesome book - 1000 Questions for Couples

1. What rituals could be added to our relationship on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis that would help us to remain close?

2. Do you need to hear "I love you" or similar words on a regular basis from your partner?

3. What does my family do that annoys you?

4. Is it ever appropriate for someone to express anger in a physical way? If so, when and how?

5. If a fire destroyed your home and all of your belongings, what would you do? If you could take out three things before the blaze, what would they be? (Assuming there is no one in the house at the time of the fire.) 

6. When you are sick and feeling poorly, do you like to be alone or do you like to be pampered and have someone close to your side most of the time?

7. What one skill do you wish you had learned but haven't yet (Play the piano? Learn a foreign language? Fly a plane? Etc.)?

8. Do you think you would prefer a calm, loving, consistent marriage or one that was full of excitement, wild times and rocky patches?

9. What makes you feel secure and safe?

10. Which do you think should have the final say in decisions - logic or emotions? Why?

I had remembered seeing Michael Webb on Oprah. He's written about a dozen books on relationships and from everything I've read and heard about him, he's actually one of the few relationship "experts" that really has a happy marriage.  I think he's been married about 20 years.

I got a hold of his book, 1000 Questions for Couples (can only get it from his website). What I really liked about it was that it was not simply a book of questions.  Before each section Michael shares why that particular topic is important to discuss and what some of the potential pitfalls might be if there were lots of disagreements in that section. 

I've checked out a couple other questions books at the bookstore and they seemed rather shallow. Lots of questions like "what is your favorite color" or "if you were an animal, what would you be".  In 1000 Questions for Couples they were really thought provoking and questions that would really matter in a life-long relationship.

One featured that I really liked was that you can also get the questions emailed to you on a daily basis.  Since my fiance and I are at the computer just about every day we answer the 3-4 questions that come in every day. 

We've found that our dates have become a lot more meaningful and interesting as the questions from the book keeping popping up and we have so much more to talk about than we ever have.  After going through the questions over the last 3 months we decided that we are definitely compatible and want to spend the rest of our lives together.  Just that assurance and peace we have is priceless.  Who wants to be in a marriage where there is a nagging doubt if you married the right person.

I can't recommend 1000 Questions for Couples enough.  I plan on reviewing some of the other books in that topic later on but I can't imagine any of them being as thorough or useful as this one has.

- Pat Smythe